A Confession of a Filipino Asexual

By Jude Cartalaba




While doing the story about asexuality, someone who identifies himself as asexual sheds light on what this orientation is all about.


(Note: The subject chose not to disclose his real identity)


The subject hasn't come out to his parents yet, except to certain friends and his ex-partner for six years.


According to him, he couldn't remember when exactly, but he's always been struggling to find the right word for what he's been feeling before realizing that he's asexual.


He said, "It was a real struggle since I have a limited understanding of the spectrum.


"I thought I was different, and to an extent, I wanted to have medical or psychological help since my previous problems with me were--I did not reciprocate the sexual life they want.


"'Maarte, boring, KJ,' these are the repetitive words I usually get from them since I always refuse to have sexual activity."


It's not that he's less romantic. He is.


"Don't get me wrong, I loved them, I am [actually] very romantic, I think that was the biggest reason why they stayed despite their sex life with me was not as normal as the other people."


In 2019 he broke up with his last six-year relationship.


"I told him I identify myself as asexual, two years before we broke up. I was amazed we even stayed for two years long accepting who I am. Although, I could not blame him if he had to look for another partner. He isn't like me, and it was all fine with me.


"I just had to accept that despite our six-year relationship, preferences cannot invalidate such, and we have to respect and separate happily. Some people may love each other, but they are [just] 'mismatched,' and I think it's part of life."


Like David Archuleta, our subject agrees on how asexuality is defined.


It is the lack of sexual attraction to others or low interest in sexual activity. Some people consider asexuality as sexual orientation, and others describe it as an absence of sexual orientation.


When asked, as an asexual does he have fewer sexual urges, he was quick to say, "Yes, it is true."


He shared this with the public and he desires to help confused individuals over what they are feeling.


"I just want to take this chance to give awareness that asexuality is not a disorder, it is a sexual orientation, some asexuals could be homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual.


"Some tend to be more romantic than the sexual people, as for me yes, that's all I could offer in a relationship so better be best at it.


"Do I have a sexual urge? Yes, I do, but I do not have or probably have less sexual desires. The thing is, I think these things boil down to having no sexual attraction. You can biologically have the sexual urge but having no desire to have sex with anyone and that makes someone asexual.


Today, he chose not to come out yet. He has no plans as of this writing.


For him, his parents have a lot on their plate, and coming out will not change the way he values himself.


What's stopping him?


"Probably religion and I [totally] respect it. Coming out is not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing, so mine is unique from other people who are probably privileged to do it."

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